she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize