the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
