one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
