Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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