her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
