If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Alive.
So much puke
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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