Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
sex in a hospital.. check
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
