I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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