you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
