that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
