I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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