I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
