Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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