remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
