A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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