Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
sarcasm needs its own font
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
