I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
