This girl is more easily done than said...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
