Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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