Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
