Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
