That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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