I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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