yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
