We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
