I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
