Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
