Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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