covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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