ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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