I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
