I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
