someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
