you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize