I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
