I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
