Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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