she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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