So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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