i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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