porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
