Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
