highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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