i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize