Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
