I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
