i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
