porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
