Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
