i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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