i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm passing your future prison.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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