Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
