I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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