No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just want nice things and good sex
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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