He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
