..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
