I hate all girls vehemently.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
