If that was your dad, he is hot
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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