The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
