he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize