I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
