but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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