I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They have beer where we have blood.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
