There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
