I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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