if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
