the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
