Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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