I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
