He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No subtext here. People are naked.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
