conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
