she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
