speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
