i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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