Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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