so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
