ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
