really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
