We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
